Slowly the places I haven’t ordered from around me are decreasing. I need to expand my burger reach. As usual, try to support local business if you have a burger joint you like close by. A friend of mine convinced me to try Five Guys again. I was hoping it would be better than last time but I was disappointed.

How tasty is the Motherf*#$&r? – 4/10

Five Guys is one of those junk food burger joints that give you soul food and I can understand the hype but the taste is simply not there.

The burger had:

  • 2x Beef Patties
  • Processed Cheese
  • Crispy Bacon
  • Grilled Mushrooms
  • Grilled Onions
  • Jalapenos
  • Relish
  • Mayo
  • Mustard

The beef patties were the biggest miss in the burger. The meat was overcooked, quite dry, lacking spices. It was just this meaty fill in the middle of the burger. There wasn’t even the greasy junk food burger vibe you can romanticise about. Being pretty disappointed with the patties I decided to seek refuge with the bacon but… it was not there really. Let me rephrase that, you had these hard pieces of “crispy” bacon that didn’t have the rich flavour you expect and are merely there for the different texture.

The melted processed cheese made it feel like a proper junk food cheeseburger. I was hoping for a bit more of the signature processed cheese flavour but the overwhelming meatiness kind of lost it in between.

The toppings were, for sure, the best part of the burger. The grilled flavour from the veggies and onions intensified the whole burger flavour. End of the day, mushrooms and onions are perfect partners for beef. The onion was sweet and the mushroom earthy and went great with the sauces. The fresh jalapeno was an ideal choice. It added acidity, it brightened up the flavours and had just the right amount of spiciness.

The relish and the sauces gave the burger brightness and accent, especially the mustard. It was the other good part of the burger.  I would have loved to see a bit more relish, but overall the combination of relish, mayo and mustard went great with the toppings, and I think it would have been better if the beef was actually good.

Burger joint venue and overall experience? – 7/10

The Cajun fries I had with the burger were absolutely lovely. The spice was the right amount, well-salted and full of flavour.

Quirkiness level of the experience? – 2/10

There wasn’t anything crazy about this burger, IMO, just a standard.